I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
