Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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