I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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