Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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