Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
3pm strippers are depressing
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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