if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
worst night to have a conscience
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
