He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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