I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
