Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize