New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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