Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
