Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
