i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is Oprah even human
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
