Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
