Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize