Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
