He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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