dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
