Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have already put on my inside pants.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
