hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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