i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
either way he was missing a nipple.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize