erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize