I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize