You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
