I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
