My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
