Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
