she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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