Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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