honey bunches of taint.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
im on a boat
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