dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
