They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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