these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
