Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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