Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
