so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
