Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
