Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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