I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
