You just made me feel so damn special
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
