i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
