Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
