I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize