that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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