So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
