Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
