her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
