Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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