the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
