you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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