So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
