I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
