I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
