Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
