You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
