My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
