Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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