bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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