Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize