TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
