I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
