dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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