I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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