I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
