guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
