I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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