he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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