Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
