No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
