I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
