he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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