I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
