so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
