is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
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