i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
