Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
