The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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