Sober January is a disaster.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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