He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
