it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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