he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
