1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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