And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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