Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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