This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize