The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If I die, sorry about rent.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
