I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
