6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
