so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
