They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
