Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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