I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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