u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
