i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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