i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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