if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
